Where to begin. I have to admit life has been everything but perfect. These last few weeks I have given in to fear, insecurities, doubt, and everything but God's will. I have been heading down an ever winding road to self satisfaction and not seeking God's counsel. My actions remind me a speaker I listened to at a conference in Minneapolis called Kingdom Called. Kingdom Called was the conference for over-seas missionaries and state-side interns in Campus Crusade for Christ. The speaker spoke about the account of the battle between David & Goliath in the Old Testament.
To be frank, I have been acting like Saul and his soldiers wanting to fight Goliath, but not having the guts to leave their high ground in the hills to fight in the valley. 1 Samuel 17 gives the account of David's courage and trust in God.
When David found out about the Philistines slandering the name of Israel's God he was upset. David was just a shepherd boy after all. When he entered the army's camp, he was not treated with respect.
David had to leave behind many things to fight Goliath. He left behind his sheep, negative thoughts & comments of his brothers, false accusations and doubt from soldiers, comparisons between his small stature and the towering Goliath, and he left behind Saul's armor that would only weigh him down.
In order for me to follow Christ, I also have to leave behind many things. I have to leave behind my fears of people not liking me, my insecurities, comparing my appearance to others, and my parents apprehension about raising support and making an impact in France.
What did David bring with him to battle Goliath. He brought courage, God's honor and in the name of Yahweh of Hosts, God's faithfulness, who he was (a shepherd), confidence in who God is, and the assuredness of victory.
David didn't act like someone else. He knew who he was. He was a son of the living God. He didn't let others skew his view on life. His life was to serve God and honor His name. David was selfless, resilient, courageous, strong, bold and victorious.
Often times I am caught in the mindset of the soldiers. I doubt God's impact in my life. I feel as though I am not good enough, that I have wronged God too many times, that God can't possible forgive me for what I've done. I give into Satan's lies telling me that since I've committed so many horrible sins that God cannot use me in France. That I am too broken & scarred to make an impact for Christ.
I don't know why I listen to or even believe these sly lies, but I do. I find myself believing these things because I am not rooted in God's word, that I am not seeking His counsel, and that I am not continuously empowered by the Holy Spirt, having God's presence in my life.
Despite all this. God has called me to His mission in France. He has a greater purpose and plan for me there than I know at this time. I'm sick of the Christian mantra that you have to keep everything in and one has to keep all their struggles to themselves. People are dying every day who don't know Jesus. I believe that should be a big enough motivator to share the love of Christ with those around us.
14 days until I am in Minneapolis preparing to travel to France. I'm praying that God would help me to trust in Him. That I would not do anything on my own power, but rely on Him whom gives me strength.
Thank you Lord Jesus for dying on the Cross to bridge the gap between death and eternal life. Your actions speak volumes of how the Father loves His created people. Lord, may Your will be done.
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